Relationship expert, coach, and author Angela N. Holton breaks down the science of making real connections...

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This post comes from regular contributor Arden Fanning Andrews.

Is it time for a different way to date? The waning summer of 2020, set apart by its absence of social gathering spaces like cafes, theaters, and clubs, has left plenty of time to consider vintage – some would say classical – entertainment. Social feeds brim with DIY tie dye projects, friendship bracelets, rollerblades…even jigsaw puzzles are being reimagined, evidenced by creators like Azikiwe Mohammed turning original photos and paintings into multidimensional collectors’ items by printing them onto the alt-canvases. And as stress peaks, a sense of time fades, and existing couples and app-matched companions alike explore slower ways to bond, making real connections through something as simple as a tabletop brain teaser feels particularly refreshing.

“This pandemic has allowed us to experience old-school dating and courtship,” explains relationship expert Angela N. Holton, author of The Conscious Dating Method. “Life is a bit scary, unstable and unpredictable during these times, so it’s important for singles and couples to draw on more fun and creativity in their relationships.” Angela touts puzzles for their ability to encourage natural teamwork, whether it’s snapping 285 fragments of iconic Spanish architecture into place with Slowdown Studio’s La Muralla Roja puzzle on a first date or putting together a 1,000 piece Mineralogy, botanical Wildflower, or Houseplant Jungle moment over the course of several sessions. “There’s something powerfully connecting when couples work together as a team to achieve a common goal,” Angela explains.

Plus, many neurological experts believe that jigsaw puzzles can relieve anxiety. “Science supports the theory that puzzles are relaxing and calming,” says Angela. “While they call for our attention and alertness, they can also be highly meditative and relaxing.” It’s a phenomenon that proves beneficial on multiple levels when approaching dates. “Having a fun task to complete together immediately takes the pressure off, allowing singles to show up and be themselves, more lighthearted and fun, which is what a date should be anyway,” she says. “For first-time daters, it can alleviate the boredom, nerves, and awkwardness of the first meeting, where oftentimes it feels more like a job interview than a date.”

THE “SLOW BURN”

If true love is the end goal, the long game is key. “The ‘slow-burn’ is much more attractive if we’re seeking a long-term committed relationship,” Angela shares. “I love the climate of dating now because it delays the physical gratification and ‘chemistry’ that often clouds or skews our judgment and perception. The mind and body can be seduced by so much more than a person’s physical attributes.” She speaks of the “great power in building slower connections” and even in her personal experience, she appreciates the concept. “I love coming up with solutions with a partner. There’s a sense of teamwork and solidarity that draws deeper connection and attraction. I’m here for it, and encourage singles and couples to spark more fun in their dating and relationships by trying puzzles and games together. Make it even more challenging by setting a timeline for completion. Life has been very serious lately -- we can make it ‘feel’ lighter by engaging in games and brain-teasers with our partners.”

Even for long-term relationships, Angela notes that the practice can improve communication to strengthen foundations. “Think of reality shows with couples doing scavenger hunts or survival games,” she adds, pointing out that they “need one another to complete the task and solve a problem, so they must learn to cooperate and communicate with one another — these are basic foundational skills to a healthy relationship, as well as in maintaining a long-term one.” And, of course, the potential for a romantic finale is palpable. “There’s also the fun celebration at the end of achieving a goal where couples get to enjoy the victory, which can lead to some ‘good fun and trouble,’” she says with a laugh.